Beauty Advice:

   So, in the past two weeks I have been continuously wrecked, rebuilt, rejuvenated, restored, and challenged by God. I frequented Monastery at The Anchor every time the doors were open during Holy Week. God told me on Palm Sunday to take a week to put everything aside and focus on Him. This was not difficult for me. I needed a week to lay everything down. I was in some serious bondage. So...I signed out, and spent nights hashing it out with God-face down. Nothing happened. Day after day I would go...and nothing happened. There was no audible voice, no quiet whisper, no vision, no passage of scripture--no area in which I saw direct change. Despite my efforts to get off work on the Saturday prior to Easter I was forced to go in. All day long I kept getting compliments on how beautiful I was. Keep in mind: I do work at a high end restaurant as a hostess and we are required to dress in nice clothing. Like always, I did not take the compliments. I let them roll off my back. I paid them no mind. The next morning I stopped by Dose for my usual cup of coffee. I made small talk with my dear friends behind the counter...and as I walked to my seat, I got stopped by two people who complimented me on my physical beauty. This time, it was odd...primarily because I was in sweats with messy hair and had no makeup on. I began noticing that people wanted more and more to engage in conversation with me. They would compliment me using words like "light," "beautiful," and "lovely" to describe my physical appearance.. As someone who has always had tremendously low self esteem this began to be comical to an extent. My interaction with others, and their desire to be around me dramatically changed. Over time, I began to realize that I really did look different. I looked different without any weight loss. I looked different without a haircut. I looked positively different without any sort of effort put in to my beauty routine.
   
    Last night this point was reiterated to me. I was working at J.'s and a dear friend of mine brought up Nathan. She said: "That bearded man in all of your pictures looks like the type of person everyone loves and would want to get to know. Both of you in the same picture is like beauty overload. There's so much joy...and, I dunno...light? Is that a strange word to use?"
   
    Throughout the majority of my life I have found so much relief in purchasing beauty products that promised a "turn-around" for my physical appearance. My brain has been in the vice of an eating disorder since I was 13 years old. But last week...everything changed. I didn't realize it. It was a process. I did not immediately feel the layers quietly pulling back on my life...but they were. They still are.
   
     Yesterday I got some news that made me physically ill. The issue it surrounded brought up a lot of "junk" for me. Normally, this type of situation would compel me to set food aside for awhile and become a slave to the treadmill.
     However, due to the peace of Christ...it didn't. It was uncomfortable, but in the end...I was forced to recognize what true beauty is. The point of my recent lesson was reiterated: just because something looks a certain way doesn't mean it is better. Just because certain things are deemed "beautiful" by society doesn't mean they are. And usually...those who strive for cosmetic beauty have not yet learned that their validation comes through Christ alone, and that true beauty rests in healing.
    I do not doubt that due to a society that is visual and materialistic I will continue to be challenged in these areas. The difference is...I am significantly more confident than I've ever been. I understand what is lovely and what is not lovely. It is no longer worth it to me to be deemed "beautiful" by the world and be starving and dead on the inside.
     I would rather have life and joy and light coursing through my veins: the life and joy and light that  can only come through Christ--that brings about the ultimate kind of beauty.